I was worried about his anger, or that he would relapse, or be too stressed out or my actions would cause something bad to happen. It was his turn to learn to deal with the reality of our existence instead of us having to shrink because of the reality of .” His mother had been an alcoholic and it had stunted his life. “Run” was the best advice I received and it’s the advice I would give my daughter if she ever got involved with an addict. When I finally left my husband, I was only able to do so after taking weeks to compose a list of facts.
The reason this advice hurt so much at the time was that it would have forced me to see my part in things. At my office, I began to put together a black and white list of the things in our relationship that I could not accept.
This is pertinent to me ( day 15 ) but this isn't about me. I admit that I've chosen this path for less than noble reasons.
Say he/she has a stable job, nice house, nice personality as far as you can tell, would this make any difference. Brutal honesty in real life vs online dating sites. Especially online since one wrong thing said can put you on the not to be considered list, and being an alcoholic is a biggie to most people for sure.
There will always be another excuse, another mistake, another relapse, another addiction or anger about a parent’s addiction that they need their lifetime and yours to get over. When my husband first relapsed after his mother died, my well-meaning Christian father told me to “just love him.” But that’s the problem with the addict; the more you love, the more they take of you and everything else, until there’s nothing left to give. While most other people tried to be polite, or pray for me, their comments seemed to gently gloss over what was actually happening. I can do better.” Instead, I stayed, w—a—y too long. Both the addict and the co-dependent will do anything to hide their sense of inadequacy.
I realized over the years I had become less of myself. When someone doesn’t fit into the perceived notion of what an addict is, it’s hard for people to know what to say. There is nobody that tries harder at being “normal” than an alcoholic and his/her family.
Like one who lives in deceit, I stone myself and call for help Your wound grows and grows It slits my throat from vein to vein. There are hundreds of stories and resources for addicts.
I put sand in you wound, I put in your wound a giant, and around myself I light the fire. It often seems it’s the families of addicts who are forgotten and who largely suffer in silence. So much in fact that I belittled myself by staying with one for seven years. Four years later, when I found out about my husband’s relapse, I thought about this friend and the courage it took him to say this and acknowledge . We go to great lengths to avoid the subject altogether.
After four and half pages of undeniable facts, I realized that there was no longer any question of whether or not I could stay with him. When you live with an addict, you are never quite certain about reality. By writing down the facts as they happened, he could not come back to me later with his own version of the truth.Most counselors will counsel you against getting involved in a relationship (or making any major life decisions) so early on in your sobriety.You need to be thinking about the adjustments YOU need in YOUR life while you're learning how not to spend time drinking.After dating one dud after another, you finally find someone who seems to have it all – thoughtful, witty, responsible – and good-looking to boot.Then they drop a bomb: “I used to be a drug addict.” They may as well have said, “I’m married.” But does one partner being in recovery automatically spell doom for a relationship?Some are deeply spiritual people whose lives are infused with meaning and purpose, while others volunteer in their communities or have interesting hobbies that keep them grounded.